So here goes. :)
This week, I know, will be one I look back on as an important one in my life. Like, really important.
Anyone that knows anything about me knows I live in Swaziland with my family. Those who know me also know that we are missionaries that work with orphans and widows. They know that I love it here. That I love it so very much. It's a part of who I am. And it always will be. There is no way I could ever forget the experiences I have had here, the people I've met, the places I've gone, because they've worked their way so deeply into the fibers of my heart that it would be impossible to.
I praise the Lord so often for sending my mom to Swaziland in February of 2009, instilling such a passion and love for this place in her, and not allowing her to shut up about it, until her joy spread and we determined this was where we were being lead. I praise him for taking all of us here in September of 2010, instilling that same passion in us, and making that three months unforgettable. For bringing us back to Swaziland in April of 2011, and giving us the blessing of coming home for a few months this Spring, and back again to Swazi in July.
Just typing that all out reminds me how very faithful God has been to us in the last few years. There is no other explanation for the favor we have been shown, the way we have been watched over.
And he will continue to be faithful, but our time in Swaziland is coming to an end.
I believe all four of us have known this in our hearts for awhile, but, in some ways, haven't wanted to fully accept it in our hearts. I think we all sort of felt that going home would be 'failing God' somehow, that, by leaving a place that had meant so much to us, and that we had felt so strongly lead to, we weren't doing what was right.
But in the last few months we've spent a lot of time praying and thinking and talking and have come to the heart decision that God is leading us out of Swaziland.
There is so much sadness in me at the thought and prospect of leaving Swaziland behind. I believe, of course, that that's perfectly normal. This place is part of me. But, at the same time, I think that Satan could easily use that as a tool against me, making me feel guilty for leaving, and planting a seed in my heart that says I am truly leaving it behind.
The truth, however, is that I never can truly leave it behind. Literally and figuratively.
I will be back, WE will be back. That is non-negotiable. And, even if we never did come back, my time in Swaziland has so shaped me to be the person I am today, that the emotional effects this time has had on me can never be forgotten, and, in that way, I can never leave it behind.
Plans are being made, our hearts are being prepared, we're all doing the best we can to live in the moment, and to live out well the final few months we have here. It's a hard thing to do, when there is, as well as the sadness about leaving, so much excitement and anticipation about coming filling my heart. But God is good, and he's giving us what we need, and I'm asking for more and more ability to do that, to live for now, and to stay focused.
There's an astounding amount of peace overflowing from within me right now, and I praise God for that. I trust that he will bring us through the crazy next couple of months that will be a blur of packing, preparing, and saying goodbye to this place we have all fallen so, so, so head-over-heels in love with, and that we will be fine. He is good. No, he is GREAT. And he will carry us through the next few months, the next few years, and through our whole lives.
I have no misgivings about that.
Praise Him for all he has done, is doing, and will do.
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