This One Thing Remains

  I wrote this last week and over a period of a few days...so it is a little late, and kind of scattered, but bear with me(:

  I commented to my mom the other day that if I blogged as much as I wrote on my ipod, it would be ridiculous. :) I think maybe I'll try to actually post some of the little 'blogs' I write on here from now on.

  It always makes me sad when I get out of the habit of blogging regularly, and I always feel like I have to catch you all up on so much.

  So. To summarize the last week, and also the weekend before, I was kind of drained out and then filled up so completely again.

  I think God likes to do that; his favorite times to fill us up are when we are utterly empty.

  As I'm getting into this, delving into what's flying around in my heart, I'm thinking that this is going to have to be split into a couple of blogs(:

  This one will give everyone a sneak peek into how I'm doing. If of course you're interested(;

  If you are, I think the place to start is June of this year. If you read my last blog, you know that in June I was Detroit with my youth group on that on what was a pretty wrecking mission trip for me.

  One of the very best parts of that mission trip was the opportunity to grow closer than ever before with some amazing people. Three people especially. And, because of that extreme closeness we experienced in Detroit, the pain and sharpness of the soon-following separation was all that much harder.

  Last weekend I was struggling a lot with missing these people. I was angry, even. Shouting out to God, wondering why I was chosen for this, for something so very big, when I myself am so very small.

  It didn't make sense to me.

  There were so many things that just piled on top of each other and I was not in the best place that weekend.

  I would think I had finally gotten over the hum pf whatever it was I was feeling (a combination of so much: loneliness, doubt, confusion, anger...) something would tip me over the edge again. I would break down.

  I needed some serious reassurance.

  And man did I get it.

  There were pretty much three layers to that reassurance.

  The first involved one of those three people I got close to in Detroit. Yes, he was a boyyy(:

  This is what God said regarding him: 'I know you care about him, and I do too. And that's good. But he's a boy. And you're 14. I have plans for you, and you have plenty of time to live them out. So keep praying for him. I hear those prayers. But know that he isn't who you are.'

  The second was in relation to those other two special, special people, two amazing girls who I now have no problem considering my best friends.

  Now, living here, I get to meet some pretty amazing people. But the way in which I meet them and make relationships with them is imperfect at best. It's not easy when you spend a fantastic week or month or three months or whatever with fantastic and then they leave. And you'll probably never see them again.

  Because of this unusual way I make friends due to the way I live and because of how hard it is to maintain relationships with people when you're 9000 miles away from them is  (as you may imagine) I admit that I have become almost jaded, and at least guarded, against falling headlong into meaningful, close relationships, and expecting them to stay.

  A lot of people reassured me that they could see that the friendship the three of us had found (me and those two girls) was a strong one, and I tried to believe it, but it was hard because of how I've been hurt in the past.

  In light of all that, this is what the Lord said to me about those two amazing girls through some unexpected emails and skype calls: 'You don't have to be afraid of losing them. They are good girls, and you are a good girl, and your friendship is centered around the right things. It is centered around me! And nothing is better than that. So don't expect this relationship to turn out like others that you've experienced. You can trust me to keep them close while you can't, and you can be sure that they are doing the same for you.'

  And the third, and most important of all, layer of reassurance came through a really, really amazing song called 'One Thing Remains' by Kristian Stanfill. (looove him!)

  I knew we were singing this song last Sunday, I had even sung along as my dad practiced the day before; but the effect the song had on me took me completely by surprise.

  Because they were exactly the words I needed to hear.

  No words could be more relevant and comforting and reassuring to me than the ones I heard that afternoon:

  'Your love never fails

It never gives up,

It never runs out on me!'

  Like, what? I've been failed, I've been given up on, I've been ran out on, we all have! But never by God. Never, ever, ever by God.

  In that third layer God told me this: 'You are okay without that boy. You have good friends. You have really good friends! And I care about you enough to gift those important people to you! But even if I hadn't, even if you were completely without human companionship, you would have Me.'

  'You will never, ever, ever be completely alone.'

  'My love never fails.'

  I went home that night, and realized that the only tears I shed that day were those extremely meaningful ones during that song.

  Thinking about that, I shed a few more.

  And since then the only crying I've done is in worship and thanks and gratitude to the Lord.

  And for that I have nothing to thank but the love that will never fail me, never give up on me, and never run out on me.

  And after all else,

  This one thing remains.