It's been awhile since I've blogged, and this particular blog has a lot to do with stuff that happened a couple of weeks ago, but I'm writing it anyway.(:
So, as some of you probably know, I spent the week of June 17-23 in Detroit with my youth group. I had such a fantastic time reconnecting with friends and leaders, experiencing a completely different kind of mission work, and meeting some amazing people.
Going into the trip I really didn't think it would be that big of a deal for me. (after all I kind of live a mission trip(: ) God has such a way of destroying our expectations, doesn't he? I was very wrong. Detroit wrecked me in so many ways.
Driving into the city, looking around and seeing all the burned buildings, shattered windows, bullet holes, I think all of us just shut off a little bit, didn't allow what we were seeing to truly sink into our hearts and minds.
It wasn't until day four, on Wednesday that it hit all of us a lot more deeply how broken Detroit really is. And not just because either.
The twenty or so of us had all gone down to the riverfront for devos and ice cream. On the drive back to the church we were staying at we saw a huge amount of smoke that stained the sky a dark shade of gray. It was close.
The curious, foolish human in us all came out and we decided it was something we wanted to see.
As we raced out of our vans toward the fire, all of us suddenly stopped short. We could hear people screaming, wailing, and the heat was intense even from where we were standing a hundred feet or so away from the house. The sky around the house was bright orange, and people were saying things like, 'He's still in there! He's still in there.' After just staring in shock at the flames for a few seconds, the group of us, a if by some unspoken agreement, took each others hands and started praying like crazy.
As we walked away from the horrific scene, many of us, including me; had tears streaming down our faces, our hands clutched to our mouths, shaking our heads in utter disbelief.
During the ten minute drive home, I had so many things going through my head. This traumatic event had brought so many strong emotions to the very forefront of my mind.
I spent a long time talking to my leaders Deb and Austin about some if the things I was feeling, and throughout the night and even during the next few days, I would find my hand going back up to my mouth, feel the tears start to slide down my face again.
I don't believe God ever allows something so insane as someone's house burning down happen without a very good reason. I, for one, have no idea if anyone who was still in the house at the time of the fire got out, and I don't have any clue what plan God had, or has, for that house, for those people; but one thing I know for sure, is that it was no accident Beechwood youth ended up watching as that house went up in flames on a not-so-random Wednesday in Detroit.
I know that each one of us experienced seeing the fire in different ways, but I have a pretty good idea of what God was showing me as I stared blankly into the flames that evening. It was the moment that what I had been seeing sunk in. It was the cause, not the effect, the flames, not the blackened building. It is so much more powerful to see something like hat, to hear the screams, to feel the heat, than to drive by an abandoned building, roll your windows up and try not to think about why the windows are shattered, why there are bullet holes in the door.
I realized in that moment that I had been a wall before then in Detroit, letting what I was seeing everyday, all the time, simply bounce off of me, when what God wanted me to be was a sponge, soaking it all in, doing something about it if I could, and bringing it before God if I couldn't. And this concept isn't just for Detroit, isn't just for when you're on 'mission trip' somewhere. Your LIFE should be a mission trip.
So today, instead of walking around in a bubble, with your chin pressed permanently to your chest, open yourself up, allow your heart to be broken, allow it to be set ablaze, even if it hurts.
This isn't easy; in fact, it's one of the hardest things in the world, but it's what Jesus did, and it's what he wants us to do. And every once in awhile, you're going to sit up in bed, in the middle of the night, and realize exactly why God wanted you to see this, to do that, and that feeling, the feeling that you did something God WANTED you to do, and there was a reason for it, is better than anything in the world.
